Blackmail

Dear Elena:

I went through an awkward stage. A very long, very torturous, very uncomfortable awkward stage. It just so happened that these were the most photographed years of my life. I was in dance, Odyssey of the Mind, Marching Band, Solo Ensemble, Choir, Awkward Kids Club, Spelling Bee...well, ok, you get the idea. My photo was everywhere.

Upon my high school graduation your granmother took all of these horrific pieces of photographic blackmail, and posted them, in an enlarged format, along the walls at my party.

(Thanks mom)

There may have even been a cardboard cutout of your Uncle Noel on a dirtbike. There was vodka at the party, so my memory is slightly fuzzy (thefamilypelton does not endorse underage drinking. I was young. And stupid. Allow me to be your bad example), but I do remember large, glaringly ugly photos of myself haunting me from their place on the drywall.

(Again, thanks mom.)

Oh yeah, there's a point to this story. Sorry.

I swore I would get your grandma back one day for the embarassment that she incurred me that night. And I can only apologize to you, my lovely, amazing, adorable, non-awkward daughter that you are going to be the vehicle for this revenge.

But all things, you see, are cyclic. And it's your own fault that you were naked on a table, with a pole, and bending to pick up your "gockie."

Ok, it's Scott's fault for having the camera and taking the photo. Let's keep the blame out of the family.

And don't worry...I won't blow this up to lifesize at your graduation party. I'll keep it a modest 8x10.



And if you ever decide to pole dance naked again, I will ground you. For life. From everything.

Hoping you choose another career,
~momma