Lance Throttle

Remember this post
When telling you about my celebrity sighting 
of one Jad Jergens
while in Mexico,
I mentioned his new partner, Lance Throttle.

Jad may be the money behind Throttle Tan,
but Lance?
He's the brains.
And the braun.
And 100% sex appeal.
Even as a teen,
Lance was ahead of the fashion curve.
That mullet was featured in many fashion magazines.
Before girls went to salons and asked for "The Rachel,"
young men were lining up
for blocks
to wait for their turn in the barber chair.
To get "Lanced."

But, as it often does,
the fame proved too much.
Lance began partying.

He got piercings.
He wore guy-liner.
And he traded his mullet for something
a little more
One fateful night,
in the throes of Silver Bullet Bulimia,
he met none other
than the infamous

They became instant friends.
Jad loved guy-liner, too.
And tanning.
And throwing peace signs to shutterbug partygoers.

 Jad yearned to be half as badass
as Lance was.
On a bad day
while having Sunday brunch
with his grandmother.

So Lance showed him the ropes.
How to look tough in a photo.
Yet maintain a mysterious vulnerability
that was guaranteed to drive the ladies

Or, as Lance would say, "Wylde."

Jad and Lance were inseparable.
Jad had money to burn,
and Lance,
saw endless opportunities.

They had many business ideas,
the pair of them,
but it wasn't until one warm summer day
after Lance returned from a strenuous afternoon
of sidewalk climbing
that they finally came up with the idea for Throttle Tan.

And the rest, 
as they say,
is history.

If you are, or are going to be, in the San Diego area, 
you can schedule your appointment 
to "Get Throttled" here.

If you're on facebook, 
you can become a fan of Throttle Tan here.
And you should.

As my {now} friends 
Jad and Lance 
would say,

"Get naked.
Get Tan.
Get Throttled."



  1. I cried from laughter and joy. I'm so proud of my alter ego Lance Throttle and his little money floundering buddy, Jad Jergens. Those two have brought the world so much enjoyment. Thanks Athena for this brief history of how Lance and Jad came to be.

  2. I just read this again... And laughed out loud again! I had to simple Google, "lance Athena Kurt rein" and here I am!