I May Be On A Rant Here...

There are a certain number of things I simply don't understand.
Probably never will.
Most of the time,
I'm able to tolerate them.
I exercise patience.
But occasionally, I'm driven over the edge.

Turns out, I'm as good at exercising my patience on a regular basis
as I am my cankles. And jiggly middle.

The infrequency may be alarming.

The first of my many woes is shopping carts strewn haphazardly in parking lots.  On curbs.  Clustered on the outskirts of what must have been, at some point during the day, a busy shopping center.  Is it really so hard to put them back? So horribly time consuming? I may be on a rant here, but I once watched a woman wrestle her half-sized Marshall's shopping cart up and over the giant Texas-height curbs so as to avoid putting it back in the corral.  She nearly fell over.  Twice.  The cart return was 25 feet from where she was parked, yet she fought and wrestled and wrangled that cart up over the curb and left it lying on its side next to a drought stricken tree.  And, while I am certain the shade of that decrepit little tree would have turned that tiny cart into a nice shelter for a very small homeless man, returning it to the appropriate receptacle would have actually saved her time.  And energy.  Of which she was apparently lacking.

I have said this once, maybe even thrice, but I cannot stand the constant, incessant misuse of contractions.  Namely on social media sites.  I admit it, I'm guilty of the occasional slip up.  Generally when I'm sleep deprived and status updating with my thumbs.  But unbridled use of your when the obvious usage is you're drives me up the wall.  I may be on a rant here but what's the deal?  Lack of qualified English teachers? Laziness?  Sheer idiocy?  You+Are=you're.  Something you own=your.  It's simple really.  A baby could do it.  Secondly, I get that you're on facebook, and probably don't care about your virtual grammar, but other people read what you write.  If you present it poorly, you present yourself poorly (see? It's not you'reself.  Therefore, it's not you're. Easy!)  "Words are the dress of thoughts; and should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt than your person should." ~Lord Chesterfield.  That man was on to something. (No, he was not onto something...but that's another lesson for another time.)

Since we're (we+are) already on the topic of grammar, I'd (I+would) like to take another moment to mention that I especially loathe ex-specially.  I may be on a rant here, but there is no "x" people.  E+S sounds like "ess."  That's the exact same way I explain it my three year old.  Esssssspecially.  While we're at it, I should also mention that there is only one "u" in nuclear, two "r's" in library, and the use of the word irregardless is redundant.  And wrong.   Moving on...

Automated systems.  For the love of all that is holy can companies please go back to doing business the old-fashioned way?  I may be on a rant here, but hire an operator.  Or two.  Or fifty.  I'm certain that in today's economic climate there are a whole host of folks who would gladly trade their extended unemployment benefits for a job behind a mahogany-esque desk answering gagillion-line phones and playing Minesweeper on a computer older than they are.  I don't want to listen closely in case the options have changed.  I'm never going to por favor primo el numero dos.  Give me a person. Now.  And if you won't, I am going to dial zero until someone picks up the phone.  Every. Single. Time.

Texas politics.  And I'm leaving it at that.

People who complain about taxes, how high they are, how low they are, how unfair they are, and yet they vehemently oppose funding for social programs.  I may be on a rant here, but how exactly do they think these programs are funded?  Magic and wizards?  Super-fruity unicorn juice?  I really don't want to have to sit through another diatribe about how "I don't have kids, why should my taxes pay for education?"  Because.  Education benefits everyone.  Dumbass.  I would delve into this further, but chances are, if you don't believe in education, you are not reading my blog.  Or reading at all...

The added layer of adipose that has taken residence on my thighs.  Leave.  Your services are no longer needed.  I get that you were necessary when my mammary glands were working overtime, but now that I'm graciously endowed with the upper body of a 13 year old girl, you can be on your way.  OkThanksBye.

Lastly: People who think they are better than everyone else.  Really  By whose count?  I may be on a rant here, but for the sake of argument, let's say they're right.  What do they win?  Money?  3 wishes?  A parade complete with ticker tape, vuvuzelas, and Ferris Bueller singing on a hijacked float? No?  What then?  A mere ego boost? A shitty attitude?  Sounds to me like the title of "better than you" doesn't pay well.  I'll keep my "just as good as anyone" and raise "Better Than" actual happiness.

*phew*

I feel better now.
Thanks for listening.

Pet peeves are just that.
Things that annoy me.
Sometimes.
These annoyances might not be yours,
and that's okay.

But this here?
It's my blog.
And I'm super happy you come to read
the place where I get to share
my opinions.

See that "comment" button below?
That's where you get to share you'res.

Kidding!

I mean, yours.

xo
A