What I Know For Sure

I've been the parent of two children for 20 days.  

So today, on the eve of my three-week mark, here is what I know for sure:

*"I need to go potty" can also mean I want out of my stroller/crib/pants, I don't want to take a nap, and my personal favorite, I'm looking for a reward (read: Candy) so I'm going to sit on the toilet.

*No matter what version of "I need to go potty" you're getting, you must listen to it and oblige the request.  Or you end up with poop in a perfectly good pair of Tinkerbell underpants. 

*The YMCA pool is the greatest place on the planet.  Elena asks for it daily.  Though to her it's the "YCmeA."  Which is better. I laugh every time.

*Nursing is a pain!  I know it's better for me and for the baby, but I really would like someone else to wake up in the middle of the night for a feeding or two (or three or four) one of these nights.  

*The fastest way to wake a newborn for a feeding/playtime/tummy time/pooping is to try to fall asleep yourself.  Trust me. This method is tested and proven time after time.  It's nearly 100% effective. 

*When buying an infant carseat, try it out in all positions of the backseat not just in the middle.  Or you'll end up with it installed behind your seat only to find there's no longer enough room for you to sit comfortably in your own car.  This will lead you to scour the interwebs for a new carseat that is not so ungodly huge.  And you will inevitably spend just as much money on a new carseat that you don't really need as you did on the first one that technically works just fine.  Or more.  

*Unless you plan on having larger than average babies/children, you don't need a carseat (infant carrier) that will hold a child up to 30 pounds.  Once your kid hits 15 pounds you aren't going to want to lug that carrier around anymore anyway.  It's friggen heavy.  So save yourself the backseat space, and the dollars up front, and just buy the smaller one.

*Daytime TV is horrid.

*Bouncy chairs and the Arms Reach Co-Sleeper are the stuff of legends.  I adore them.  If marriage to inanimate objects were allowed, you would be receiving a nice sheet of calligraphed parchment in your mailbox.  And soon.

*I am not a jungle gym.  I am not a jungle gym.  I am not a jungle gym.

*Huge boobs are not awesome, and they are certainly not welcome.  Not every woman (read: Me) wants to walk around with size D chesticles.  Some of us (again: Me) really enjoyed being a small B.  And would really REALLY like to go there again.  Really.

*Coffee is a miracle.  Not just a Festivus Miracle, but an every day, wake-me-up-when-I-question-my-ability-to-function miracle.

*I am far chubblier than I had hoped to be by this point.  I know...it took 9 months to put it on, so it will take 9 months to take it off...blah blah blah.  I call shenanigans on that logic.  I have to be in a swimsuit in Mexcio in three months.  You hear me Abs? Thighs? Lovehandles?  Your time on my body is severely limited.

*Jillian Michaels is mean.

 *Having two children is harder than I imagined. But it's also easier than I thought it would be, too. 

*I'm feeling a little housekept.

*Wine is delicious. Really really delicious.  Being away from it for 9 months has even turned me into a fan of red. (I think. More testing is needed....)


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