The Rant Zone

I'd like this blog to be sunshine and rainbows all of the time....
but, I am not Ree.  I can't do Ethel Merman impersonations, and the only recipe I could offer is for blue box mac and cheese.
(ok, that's a strech, but I'm no chef...)
I am not Dooce, either and so I won't fill this humble blip of a blog with cynicism and wretchid complaints.
Well, at least not as many...

But, I do have some things I'd like to get of my chest.
And I can not wait until Festivus.

Let's start with public restrooms.  I may be on a rant here, but Is it really necessary, when entering a stall, to flush the toilet prior to using it?  Unless someone left a floater, or filled the toilet with stinky nasty asparagus pee, just sit down and do your business already.  Shredded toilet paper left from the last flush does not neccessitate a new tank of water for which to collect your sacred urine.  Fresh water is a commodity, folks.  Let's not waste it.  Oh, and if you're pooping...don't flush so that the person in the stall next to you can't hear your fart. Or kerplunk.  Pooping is normal. We all do it.  Men even do it together...as a planned part of their day.  Us ladies can poop side by side and not be embarrased.  But...if it stinks....go ahead a courtesy flush it away.
Thank you.

Second order of business: You all know how I feel about blinkers, and the pesky irritating drivers who choose not to use them.  But let's shift our focus to those who don't actually know how to use a four way stop sign.  I may be on a rant here, but it's not all that difficult.  I know that in this day and age, we rely heavily on traffic lights to tell us when it's our turn to advance, so allow me to provide a brief overview of the hard-to-master Four-Way Stop.  If you arrive at a four way stop sign at the exact moment as another vehicle, the car on the right has the right-of-way. Is that you? Hooray! Do a little dance and drive-on. If you arrive moments after another car, but they are on your left, and are coming to a full-stop, therefore throwing a wrench in your urgent attempt to get wherever it is you're going....listen up..this is important...THEY HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.  You will have to wait your turn.  *gasp.*  Oh, and just so we're clear...a left-turning vehicle does not have the right-of-way over a car going straight through the intersection.  Ever. 

Third: Minnesota Nice. I may be on a rant here, but I don't actually think it exists. Instead, I believe it is a charming quip used to explain acts of kindness that are becoming more rare than sighting a Blue Whale in its natural habitat.  People are supposed to be nice, folks.  We should do kind things for each other.  Acts of kindness should never be random, nor should they be described as such. 

Finally: This one's for you Gossip McGossipson.  I may be on a rant here, but while I appreciate that your life is so vastly boring that you have no choice but to nose around in the business of others, it is time for you to take up a new hobby.  Try knitting, or quilting. Maybe bowling or bingo. Something. Anything.  Just please stop wondering how she got those jeans when she said she had no money, or how he's totally started smoking again and didn't tell anyone, or how so-and-so keep hanging out and omigod! did you see the way he looked at her the other day?!?!  We all have secrets.  We each hide skeletons in our closet.  If you don't want people nosing around in your dark hiding places, why nose around in the secrets of others?  Especially if you have the gall to call those people friends.  At least to their faces. No friend of mine would discuss my personal decisions and/or life choices behind my back using negative connotations or judgement. 

And Finally, Finally: Since I'm back to work now, let's discuss my current job-related pet peeve.  I may be on a rant here, but your job is yours. You applied for it, accepted the position when offered to you, and have come to work every day to do just that.  Your job.  If you don't like it, if it really is the worst thing ever, why are you here?  No one is forcing you to do this job that you so obviously loathe to the point of disgust.  Sure, some things about your job have changed over the years, and maybe you don't get the same joy out of it that you once did, or maybe the money isn't as great anymore.  All the more reason to dust off that Microsoft Word formatted resume and start searching for jobs on Monster.  I'm sure there's a position out there that will bring you joy.  Or atleast get you out of earshot. If you don't mind,  I am trying to keep a positive attitude and make the best of it.

Thank you for listening.
Goodbye forever.

1 comment:

  1. On Sunday I was driving home from work with four drinks sitting in a carrier in my passanger seat. One of them was a mocha moolatte with whipped cream and chocolate syrup and a wide-mouthed lid. Then Ms. Linden Hills In a Mini-Van decided to ignore her stop sign (it wasn't a four-way, I didn't have a stop at all) and we all almost died. The moolatte did die. All over my car.

    Your rant was an extremely valid one.