Dear Cooper,

Thank you.

Dear Lucinda,

Today is going to be hard.

Really hard.

You're going to hurt.

A lot.

Cry.

Ache.

As much as you did two years ago.

In that time,

you have come so far

and done so much for so many.

Touched so very many lives.

Including mine.

Cooper was so very lucky to have you 

as his mama.

Even if only for three short weeks.

And Chace is doubly blessed.

You.

Cooper.

Win.

I still shudder when I think of all you have been through.

All you have lost.

The impossible journey that you were forced to embark upon.

Without your permission.

Without just cause. 

I still wrestle with being thankful 

grateful

that you are in my life

knowing that it is your extreme heartache

that brought us together.

I still say all the wrong things.

I probably always will.

Today may be no exception.

And on this

the day that Cooper would have turned two years old

I fear that the only thing I have to offer you

is a few 

simple

words:

there is something you must always remember:
You are braver than you believe
stronger than you seem
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is
even if we are apart....
I'll always be with you.
                               ~Winnie the Pooh.


I love you, Luc.
As if I've known you my whole life.
As if,
somehow,
our souls are sisters.

I'm with you today.
I'm standing in your kitchen
at that great coffee machine
reminding you

to get out of bed.
breathe in and out.
and let the hole hurt.

Because it will.
Because it can.

And because
what happened
what was taken from you
what you've been forced to endure....

it's not okay.

but you?
you are

amazing.

xo
A