Press Release

Tomorrow is Election Day.
Also known as:
The Day The Annoying Ads Stop Interrupting Normal
Commercial Programming.

Thank the lord.

In light of this,
I figured It was time for me to
come clean.

Air my dirty laundry.
In case,
you know,
I ever want to run for office someday.

I'd run on the Republicat ticket.
Or maybe I'm a Demoblican.

Either way,
it's high time I let the proverbial cat
out of its bag.

Before an attack ad is made about it.

Here, in list form,
are some things you may have never known

*I need a pedicure.

*I practiced Wicca in High School.  (Take that Christine O'Donnell.  I was a witch.)

*I once hid from police in a corn field. For hours. And then I got lost in that corn field. For a few more hours.  And I was stone sober the whole time.

*I need a manicure.

*I might be addicted to fabric.  I'd like that last part to remain off the record.

*If I call DRL, and he doesn't answer, I immediately start to think of all the bad things that could possibly have happened and how on earth the police would know to contact me.  And what if his cell phone was lost? Or smashed? What then?  How would I know?  Then I realize I'm being ridiculous and he's just on the treadmill at the YMCA and will call me back in an hour or so.

*It is nearly impossible for me to fall asleep in an empty house/hotel room/apartment/sleeping bag.  If I know I am also going to wake up alone, I hear violence in every creek of every floorboard.  I'm like a 6 year old. I need someone to check under the bed and in the closets for would-be attackers.
*I once fought of an attacker.  Silly kid was trying to steal my school bag one snowy night when DRL and I lived in Blaine.  It was snowing.  I was wearing patent leather heels.  I fought.  He pulled.  Then I fought some more.  He started running. I told him he was stupid and went inside.

*I need a haircut.

*The dog needs to pee.

*When I was in middle school, seventh grade, I think, my math teacher, Ms. Pederson told me that, for good luck, I should say "Rabbit Rabbit" on the first of every month.  Right away. It should be the first thing you say when you wake up or it won't work.  I have done this almost every  month since I was 13.

*I didn't say it today.  I'm throwing salt over my shoulder and turning around three times as we speak.

*I wear glasses when I drive at night.

*The baby needs a bath.

*I might not be that informed, but I'm actually rather smart.

*I have a horrible memory.  Absolutely wretched.  I remember the most obtuse things, but can't recall important events/items on my to-do list/where I put my keys/The ABC's.

*I can play the flute.

*I have never, officially, been Throttle Tanned.  Er, sorry, "Throttled."

*The giveaway item is nearing completion.

*I had the house to myself for four hours on Friday.  I used that time to re-arrange the living room furniture.  It was strangely cathartic.  My spirits were lifted.  And our apartment finally feels a little bit more like home.

*I'm still friggin homesick.

*I use the little spoon for cereal and the big spoon for ice cream and soup.

*I have given up ice cream until I lose 5 pounds.

*I really want some ice cream.

*I am shooting a wedding in less than two weeks.

*I had more fun watching Elena trick-or-treat than I ever had doing it myself.  Having kids is awesome in that capacity.

*I can't remember what else I was going to say.


1 comment:

  1. I LOVE YOU!
    And, I can't wait to see pictures of Elena and halloween. And, now you understand why holidays are priceless when you have children!